6.21.2013

Terror Disguised As Tentativeness

Totally unrelated picture...but totally cute baby (or at least I think so)
Just ignore the dried boogies under her nose and the scab on her chin

When I graduated from college over a decade ago (!) I told myself that there was no way in hell that I was ever going back.  My experience wasn't particularly horrible or anything...it was just looooong.  Plus I left there with two bachelor's degrees and a master's degree.  Why would I ever need to go back?

Or so I thought.

Because lately I'm been maybe, kind of, possibly, sort of, a little bit thinking about going back to school.

See all my tentativeness?

That's actually terror.  I'm terrified at leaving something that I'm pretty knowledgeable about for something that I know absolutely nothing about.  And I'm terrified at leaving a decent job for a new job market.  And I'm terrified at taking on a significant amount of debt for my family.  And I'm terrified at what the time commitment will be when I'm back in school and what that means for my girls and Ben.  But mostly I'm terrified at just plain failing.  I've always been a pretty decent student but things would be so different this time around.  I'm older, it's been so long since I've been in school, and I have many other things to focus on now besides just school work.  Plus, I'm pretty sure that having two kids turns all your brain cells into fat cells.  Although when I told Ben this theory he scoffed at me and told me that I obviously need to go back to school because that's not physically possible.

But despite my terror I've decided to put a little skin in the game and sign up for my first prerequisite class at a local community college.  So if things are a little quieter around here in the next couple months just know that I'm once again neglecting all my housework - only this time for studying instead of sewing.

18 comments:

  1. Seriously. . that's fantastic. I can't wait to see if your CC experience keeps you going to something new. You're awesome!

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  2. This is go exciting!! It is so hard to put yourself out there, but it can be so worth it, just to know that you pushed yourself to do something scary! What are you thinking of going back to school for?
    Also, I definitely think that the first step can be the hardest, so you should totally pat yourself on the back for signing up for the class!

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  3. You can do it! I quit mid-career to go to school, and had a baby in the middle of it. Pregnancy is the hard part. Trust me, it's way easier academically as an adult, you're just more experienced.

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  4. That is really exciting - wish I were brave enough. And I think the older you are, the better student you are

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  5. You're so brave! Well done for taking that very scary first step! Now the big question is: what are you thinking of studying??? :-)

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  6. Oh good for you! I'm in the terror filled pre-decision stage :)

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  7. Very exciting! I'm frankly not surprised after knowing what you do now - seems like it could have a pretty high burnout potential - but am sooo curious what your new plan is! You got this, though. I have faith.

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  8. oh yay! you can definitely do it! i went back to school to get my masters in an entirely new field after 8 years of being out of college. it was definitely worth it. and you will be great. in fact, i found i was better at school after all that time... maturity brings a whole new level of commitment to education.

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  9. Oooh, I want to hear all about it! What are you going to study??! Squee! School is fun! I probably won't be switching careers anytime soon (or ever? that's kind of hard for this generalist Libra interested in everything to accept) but I love to live vicariously through others.

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  10. Good for you! I would love to experience college classes as a fully functioning adult instead of as a distracted almost-adult. :-) Good luck--I hope it all works out!

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  11. Go for it! From my own experience, being a little older is an advantage when you go back to school - you are wiser (maybe not in my case), have a ton of life experience and more secure in who you are. You will do great. Besides how else you get your brain cells back.:)(Mine totally turned to fat. :) )

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  12. Good luck! You will totally rock that course, I know it!

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  13. I hope that you take the plunge. My mum started a second degree when I was Five, and finished it when I was 19, and raised three kids as a single mum whilst she did it. I have never been more proud of her than the day that she got her second degree. There is nothing like role-modelling to your children that you can do amazing things if you just take the time to get them done! (I'm not suggesting that you should take 14 years to finish yours, but I just felt you should know that you don't have to do it all in ten seconds flat either!) Good luck!

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  14. I went back to school 5 years ago at the age of 30 to study nursing. I graduated with my BSN 10 years after my first degree. Nursing school was the hardest thing I have done thus far but I'm glad (most days) I did it! I found it easier the second time around because I knew what I wanted to study and actually enjoyed school. You can do it!!

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  15. Yes yes do tell, what do you want to study? (And why do Americans continue to call it 'school' when it's uni/college which sounds much more grownup?) I'm excited for you! And you will get to be one of those mature-age students who were so irritating when I was at uni because they were so darned dedicated - let's face it, if you're not spending all your spare time learning to drink or working a supermarket checkout, you're probably going to ace it :)

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  16. My mom went back to college to finish her undergrad degree in her 40s after having 5 kids and she was actually a much better student. She probably had better time management skills, but also a better perspective on what she was doing and why and what it all meant. Good luck to you!

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  17. Dear Carolyn,
    it takes great courage to admit tentativeness and terror, especially on an open blog. I respect and admire you for that and I think you will do a fantastic job at whatever new goals you set for yourself.
    xx Marjolijn

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  18. Good luck with it all, I'm sure the terror and the cost will concentrate your mind rather more than when you were a feckless undergrad the first time round ;o)

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